If it fits, it fits. If it doesn’t, it quits.

In my previous blog, I wrote about the handfasting that Willem and I did in Bospark MERU (the Maharishi centre) in Vlodrop. Although we approached it in a very simple and intuitive way, there were still quite a few things to prepare and arrange in the days leading up to it.

As most people will recognize when organizing anything (it doesn’t really matter what); some things seem to fall into place effortlessly, while others simply refuse to move forward. As if everything is working against you and you can’t make any progress.

We usually talk about “flow” and “no flow,” or say that “the universe isn’t cooperating.” But during those days of preparation, a sentence suddenly came to Willem that felt so fitting for everything we were doing that it kept returning:

"Als het klopt, dan klopt het. Zo niet, dan stopt het."

In Dutch, the word “klopt” has a double meaning. It can mean “it’s right” or “it fits”, but it also literally means “it knocks.” The same word is used for both.

A simple English version of the sentence would be:

"If it fits, it fits. If it doesn’t, it quits."

Here in the Netherlands, we have a tradition of placing quotes on ceramic tiles and hanging them on the wall. Willem’s sentence felt like one of those.

With that sentence in the back of our minds, we left for Limburg to do the handfasting.

As I described in my previous blog, we hadn’t planned anything in advance. We kept everything open so we could move with the weather and follow what felt right in the moment. We did have two locations in mind: the star deck at the hotel, or the small gazebos in the park.

The star deck is essentially a rooftop terrace next to a castle tower, with a large star laid out on the ground. During an earlier visit, we had stood there at night and watched shooting stars, so this place felt special to us.

When we arrived, the sun came out and we decided to go up there and take a look, together with our dog Bodhi. It felt good to be back, this time with him. But Bodhi suddenly stopped in the middle of the star and began sniffing something we couldn’t see. I happened to take a photo at that exact moment, which you can see below.

When we came closer, we were unpleasantly surprised: it was a dead woodpecker, already in a state of decay. How it ended up there was a mystery. But the thought of standing there in the dark, having to watch our steps to avoid a dead bird, felt so uncomfortable that the place immediately fell away as an option.

The handfasting shifted naturally to the next day.

As I shared in the previous blog, we found the right setting in Bospark MERU. I won’t go into all the details again here, but one of the things that made that place so special was the sound of birds, and from time to time, the distinct tapping of a woodpecker. We noticed it, but didn’t really think much of it at the time.

What we did notice happened during the handfasting ceremony. Right after we had both spoken and a moment of silence followed, we heard three clear knocks on the wood of the gazebo. We looked at each other: “what was that?” There was nothing to be seen. To this day, we still don’t know what caused it. We joked that perhaps Maharishi was letting us know he had been quietly present in his favorite place. And then we let it go.

Until later that evening, when we were sitting at dinner, looking back on the day.

Suddenly, it all clicked.

Willem’s sentence, the woodpeckers… they belonged together. Only then did I truly understand what that sentence held.

The dead woodpecker on the star deck wasn’t tapping anymore -which in Dutch is described as “klopte niet”- and so the location didn’t feel right (another meaning of “klopte niet”). And here, in the park, with the sound of a woodpecker tapping around us, everything suddenly did.

It was not just a sentence that stayed with us, but a moment where its meaning became tangible.

Since that evening, I hear the sound of a woodpecker differently.